Don't Blame Me Read online

Besides, after everything that happened, I wasn’t sure I could face him. Because when it all mattered, he was a coward and it still bothered me, even after all this time.

  “Dana, do I really have to do this article? I mean I’m sure Cindy could write this, she likes this kind of stuff. I am not even into bachelors and their eligibility. I couldn’t care less,” I said with an attitude. Inside I was livid and fuming. But Dana was always looking out for me, so I couldn’t be too mad. But, bachelors? Adrian? Of course, everyone had their preferences on what I wanted to read. I just wished I wasn’t a part of it.

  “I know you don’t normally do these kinds of pieces for the magazine, but it would be nice if you do something outside the box for you. You come across as tough as nails and well you know…” she said.

  “Bitchy?”

  “No! I don’t think anything about you is bitchy at all. I love your work ethic. Though sometimes you need to loosen up. But definitely not bitchy. Not bitchy at all. I will say this though, you need to soften up just a little, that’s all.”

  I rolled my eyes. It was something I did so often that I was sure it somehow encoded into my DNA.

  “Are you rolling your eyes at me?” Dana asked me half seriously.

  Yes, she was my boss. But she was also my friend and I needed her to understand just how annoyed all of this was making me.

  “Sorry Dana I’m over the moon about this,” I said sarcastically.

  “Mhmmm. Well, it is not like you have to personally contact him. I set all of that up already. I know he will be flying into the city soon for his opening. I will like you to interview him and have all the things you need before the grand opening of the hotel. I want it to be in unison in a way. This will also be great exposure for the magazine. And for you. You act like he’s an asshole or something. I’ve heard nothing but good things about him.”

  “That’s convenient,” I mumbled.

  “Did you know him personally? I know you two shared the same school, but that’s it.”

  “You could say that.”

  Dee raised her eyebrow and then a sly smile came over her face.

  “Oh, you guys had a thing in college, huh? How was he?” she said talking more like my friend than my boss.

  “Key word there is college. We were a thing and college and now we aren’t. We shouldn’t have been a thing back then if you asked me, but what do I know. I am just a woman who needs to loosen up and apparently talk to ex-boyfriends to do so,” I said quickly still heated about all of this. Still hoping that maybe, just maybe she would change her mind about me doing this in the first place.

  “That bad, huh? Well, look at it like this, how long has it been ten years?”

  “Twelve.”

  “Okay, twelve years. I am sure he is different from the college football star he was in college. Look at it this way, it’s a job and nothing else. Once you’re finished, you can go on about your life and keep writing the fabulous articles that you write. If it’ll make you feel any better you can even forget that he exists once you’re done.”

  “I guess. You’re so lucky that I love you as both my boss and my friend. Because if I didn’t…”

  “Uh huh. I love you too. You got work to do missy.”

  Dana walked out of my office and I sat back in my leather chair, closed my eyes and sighed heavily. This shouldn’t have been this hard. Dana was right, this was nothing but a job. I have done way more complicated articles than this. There was the one I did on breast cancer and on depression. The list was extensive. It was hard being a black woman in this writing gig, so I worked my ass off. But even so, for some reason, this one bothered me the most. I typed in his name and looked up what he had been up to. Adrian had taken the hotel world by storm. I knew he was smart. But it was different than me saying so when we were in college. It seemed he had a real knack for hotels.

  I couldn’t help but wonder if any part of the person he was in college was still there. Was he still a jerk with a huge personality that almost made it too hard to breathe? Or worse for me was he still the person that consumed almost all of me and almost burned me to cinders. I couldn’t have that happen again. I had to make sure that we kept it professional. Nothing outside of getting what I needed to write the best damn article about him and then quickly move back on with the life I had for the last twelve years. Easy peasy. Right?

  Checking my email, I saw his name in my mailbox. Speak of the devil. I opened the email he had sent. He sounded too friendly for me, and it annoyed the fuck out of me. If my gut was right, this was his way of taking charge of this situation. He never did like to wait on things, and I could see by this email, he wanted to chat before I scheduled a meeting. After a few moments, I picked up my office phone and dialed the number that he had left at the bottom of the email.

  After two rings, I heard some scuffles and then a deep voice came onto the phone. It was like music to my ears and I cringed. How was it possible for his voice to get any deeper than it was in college? And worse, why did it still get a reaction out of me? I felt that all the way down to my core and I hated it. I hated him at that moment.

  “Hello?” he asked.

  “Hello. It’s Leah Hunter,” I said as if he didn’t know who I was.

  “Hey, Leah. How are you?”

  “I’m good. You?”

  “Fine. Busy with all the things that are going on with this new hotel, but fine. I’m surprised you called.”

  I thought about that. I didn’t know how surprised he could possibly be when we both knew this interview had to take place, but I decided instead to be nice and save my usual sarcastic response.

  “I thought it would be easier to talk via the phone rather than email. I don’t know if there’s a reason to meet up beforehand though. I’m sure you’re a busy man.”

  “I’ll be there at the end of the week. How’s Friday? We can do a late lunch around two in the afternoon?” he said, completely ignoring what I said.

  “Did you hear what I said?”

  “I did. But it would be nice to see you before we get down to business.”

  I groaned inwardly, remembering what Dana had said. It was a job. And I knew she would want me to be nice.

  “Fine. What do you suggest?”

  “How about lunch on Friday afternoon? We can eat and chat a little. I’m always doing business meetings, so I rather not jump right into business with you since we were friends at one point.”

  Friends? Sure, if that’s what he wanted to call it.

  I glanced at my calendar and realized that I did have some free time during the afternoon on Friday.

  “Okay. Lunch on Friday. Do you have a place in mind?”

  “Yeah. There is this restaurant that is near the location of the hotel, we can meet there and grab a bite to eat, and then you can tell me what you need from me for this article,” he said.

  I listened to the way he took charge, and a part of me was impressed. He had certainly grown up. He sounded confident and self-assured. I liked it. Different from the cocky jock he was back then. Well, this may be easier than I thought it would be.

  “That works. What’s the address?”

  He gave me the address and I wrote it down on my notepad with the date and time. I had to remember to add this into my phone’s schedule. My phone was my life. Everything was on it. All of my life was on it.

  “Okay, Adrian. I will see you then.”

  “It was nice talking to you again Leah.”

  “Uh huh. Ok. Talk to you soon,” I said, hanging up the phone quickly. I didn’t like that he was trying to have a different conversation. I was doing my job. Nothing more. Nothing less. He would just have to accept that I wasn’t the girl I was in college. I had other things that I cared about, and he was no longer one of them.

  I sent a quick email to Dee to let her know that the meeting was scheduled. Realizing that it was past the time I should eat something, I went into my bag and pulled out an apple. I could always eat later. I had another article
to finish, and I didn’t want to miss my deadline.

  On Friday afternoon I walked up to the address that Adrian had given me. It was a fancy looking place. I walked until I found the maître d’, an extremely pale woman with her hair in a tight bun.

  “Good afternoon,” she said once she saw me.

  “Good afternoon, I am here to see Adrian Robinson for a two o’clock reservation.”

  “Sure, he is waiting for you at the table. Right this way,” she said.

  I nodded and followed her passed many tables until we were in a more private section of the restaurant. I could see him as I got closer and my heart skipped a beat. Damn it. Damn him to hell. Why did he still have this effect on me after all this time?

  As I reached the table where he sat, I could see his brown eyes light up and he looked me up and down appreciatively. He stood up as we walked to the table. Now I was questioning if the white blouse I wore was much too tight for this lunch. I didn’t need him studying me. I needed to get this lunch over with as quickly as possible.

  “Here you go, ma’am,” the maître d’ said.

  “Thank you,” I replied.

  “Thank you, Helena,” Adrian said and his voice was even deeper than it was on the phone.

  He came to me a wide smile on his face, and he pulled me in for a hug. I froze as his big arms wrapped around me. They were more muscular now and still huge. He was still massive at his 6’3” height and immediately I felt overwhelmed. He was always overwhelming. Always too big for any room. It was still the same. He was overpowering. I felt myself tremble a little, and I moved out of his grip.

  “Hey,” I said weakly.

  “Hey, Leah. You look great. Really great. It’s been forever,” he said.

  His smile was genuine. I studied him. His jaw more chiseled. Stronger. The suit that he wore fit him well, I might add. And his muscles had grown since college. His dark hair was much longer now. He wore it in a ponytail and my knees started to feel weak. I’d thought that maybe the memories will hold their place in my heart as they have always done before, but I had no such luck. They came back with such a force, that I grabbed the back of the chair to steady myself. I could still feel his lips on my skin. His big hands touching me gently, always wanting more even when I wanted to pull away. I licked my lips and backed away slightly.

  “Let me get that for you,” he said, moving towards me to pull the chair out for me to sit.

  “Thank you,” I said softly, watching as he sat down across from me.

  “How have you been?” he asked.

  “Working mostly. I don’t have too much of a life outside of that. Working and living as much as I can with the little time I do have,” I replied. “You?”

  “Same. Running a hotel is a lot of work. And with overbearing parents, well you know.”

  I nodded. I did know. His parents and mine were alike in that way.

  “When I saw that I was chosen as one of the most eligible bachelors, I admit I was a bit surprised. I didn’t know they still did those kinds of things. But, then I got the initial call from your boss that you would do a separate piece to tie in with the hotel that I’m opening. Once I saw that you would be interviewing me, I was shocked, in a good way. Who knew the universe would throw us back together.”

  “My boss thought it would be nice since we went to the same school.”

  “I figured it had to be something like that. Does she know about our past?”?

  “No. Well, she didn’t at first. I just told her that once upon a time we were a thing, and that is it. I didn’t want to bore her with all the details. Besides, it wasn’t necessary,” I said, moving my hair out of my face.

  I tried looking at everything but him. It wasn’t that I was trying to be rude, but he always had a way that he looked at me, and he was doing it now. He looked through my soul. I hated that he knew how to do that. He always took up way too much space in my head and heart. He was overbearing, and he had no idea that he did that to me.

  “I thought we could eat first, and then we can talk and catch up.”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  The waiter came over to us.

  “Would you like something to drink?” he asked.

  “How about your finest bottle of wine,” Adrian responded. I nodded. Wine was needed.

  “And would you like an appetizer, sir?”

  “Are you ready to order?” Adrian asked me.

  “Uh, hold on.” I quickly scanned the menu. “Can I get the spinach ravioli?” I asked.

  “And you, sir?”

  “You can get me the same,” Adrian replied looking at me.

  Once the waiter left, I could feel Adrian staring at me. I wondered what he was thinking. What did he want to say to me? I really just wanted to get this article over with. Seeing him stirred up old feelings and old wounds. Way too many things I didn’t want to relive again, and then there was something that was still there lying underneath all these things I’ve been feeling.

  “So, it’s been years. Besides working, what have you been doing with yourself?” he asked me.

  I paused, trying to think how to answer that question without sounding like the biggest bore in all of history.

  “Uh, that’s just it for the most part. As I told you earlier, I really don’t do much else. You?”

  “Mostly working with my father. Traveling a bit. This hotel in New York is my baby. You have no idea how happy I am that it is. Gives me a chance to spread my wings and not be under my dad’s shadow. It’s like ever since I decided to do this with him, I’m living in his shadow and the shadow of my past with football.”

  “Oh. I knew your father had ties to this. I’m sure he’s happier that you are doing this, rather than playing football,” I said bluntly. Quickly, I apologized. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so much like… well, you know a reporter. I just remember he really wasn’t a big fan of you playing football.”

  “That’s fine. I mean it is what it is now. I can’t change what happened with me and my dad. Now, we work together as best as we can, and that’s about it. He’s a stubborn man.”

  “Yeah, I do. You’re pretty stubborn yourself.”

  “Is that so?”

  I raised my eyebrow for dramatic effect. “Am I wrong?”

  Adrian laughed. “No. You’re not. I was stubborn. Still am to an extent. I think I’ve gotten better with making compromises.”

  “Well, thank God for small miracles,” I said jokingly and we laughed.

  I hated to admit that it was nice laughing with him. It almost made me forget all of that other shit that had happened with the two of us. Almost.

  “You know it would seem you have gotten more beautiful than the last time I saw you. The picture under your articles doesn’t do you justice.”

  “You looked up pictures of me online?”

  “No. Well, I didn’t until recently. I read some of the articles you wrote after I found out I would be seeing you again. You always were a damn good journalist. I couldn’t bring myself to keep up with what you did after we split up though. It was too painful. Sorry!” He shrugged and took a sip from the glass in front of him. It looked like bourbon.

  “How are your parents?” he asked.

  “Um…hopefully at peace. I lost them both a few years back. My mother went two years after my dad did.”

  His face softened. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “It’s fine. I’m fine with it now. I miss them all the time, but I don’t feel what I did before when it first happened. Besides, even though they were pushy sometimes, I do still have good memories of them.”

  I found myself looking around before looking back at his expression which looked so sad.

  “So, are you happy running a hotel empire,” I asked him needing something else to talk about.

  “I mean I’ve grown to love it. I didn’t like it too much at first. I did it mostly because I was angry about my football career getting cut short, and partially to get my parents off
my back. Now, I like it. I like talking to people. Being an outgoing person has its perks.”

  I nodded. He did. He could talk someone into many things. It was one of the things I both liked and disliked about him. He always was a bit of a flirt and knew how to say the right things. I was sure he used those same kinds of techniques to run his business.

  “I admit that I wasn’t really happy that I had to do this. Mostly because I didn’t want to see you. I just thought it was opening a can of worms. But at the end of the day, I pride myself in doing my job, so that’s what it is.”

  “And you weren’t at all intrigued that somehow I made it onto a list of the most eligible bachelors?”

  “No. Not really. Not to say it isn’t a good thing. It is. I’m sure there are plenty of women still hoping to find the perfect bachelor, so this is perfect for them. I am all for women doing what makes them happy. But you have always been an attractive guy and able to do what you seriously put your mind to. So, it isn’t too much of a surprise that you made the list.”

  Adrian nodded at me with appreciation. The waiter placed our orders in front of us and filled our wine glasses with the wine that Adrian had picked out. I could feel his eyes on me again, and so I focused on my food instead. We ate in an uncomfortable silence. At least I was uncomfortable. I made a mental note of the things that he had said that I could include in the article. I could feel the heat from his stare and I looked up to see that his eyes were still on me.

  “Is there something on my face that you aren’t telling me about?”

  “No. I would tell you if there was something.”

  “You have done that before.”

  He chuckled. “You got me. But, that was different. We are both adults now.”

  I shook my head in amusement thinking about the many times he joked around and acted like he didn’t know why I would be annoyed.

  “You ever think about what we had. What we lost?” he asked me.

  Blinking a few times in shock, I put my fork down on my plate. I didn’t expect this conversation to be brought up so soon. I’d been dancing around this topic all week. We were something, and now we not. The best way to put it.